I Love The Man I Thought You Were

It is absurd.
I never met anyone like you
You're a nice and decent man
You live your life fully.
A good son.
Loyal to your beloved mother
A responsible brother. Always and never forgot to remind your sisters
I understand you have a son-dad issues.
I guess most of us does, and I remember every single good side of you.
You had this crazy dream about being a good father and am sure you will be.  You said that you will take a picture with your son with identical football clothes on. I smiled at your thought, it was really sweet.
Not to mention, you know what it is like to love someone and i thought you will understand me. You said, if we love someone, we couldn't imagine to see she/he with someone else. We couldn't let go. Bloody hell, you didn't know a thing.
I had a believe in you and i've always turn back to give you a chance to make a change.


But
not anymore, you weren't the guy i thought you were
and I've start to wonder, what happened?

Untitled 2

                                                           
I don't love you. I love the man I thought you were.

Emotion Breakdown

My mind is twisted
Struggling with my uncertain feeling
Unwinding the senses of universe of wisdom and something that just temporary.

It's twisting as 'the end' word never exist...and i just can't breath with these leftover feeling i have.

Forgot how to smile
Forgot I have something to hold on to. Faith.
I just forgot who i was before this though
I keep telling myself, it will be over in the morning.

Last Night Dream

Last night I dream that I were preparing a dished for my girl-friend.
I'm not sure who, but I'm sure enough i were cooking something me and him used to like.

The image was clear and I remembered every scene in that dream. I was cooking on long table, stirring the dishes. It was seafood steamboat and it's really look alike as at Johny's Restaurant.  She was staring at the meal and i was so passionate to serve it for her.
Then, i went to the cabinet at the back of the kitchen to take the utensil and I'm remember in that dream i thought of you and said in my mind, that you the one teach me how to cook this meal.
but then, when i reached back to the table, i saw my friend (which is real and i know her) was preparing the meal for her. I was really mad, not because she interrupted the cooking, but because i cant prepare the cooking for her.

I really don't want to take this dream seriously, eventhough i felt like theres a msg behind it. i just hope it's not true.

Escapist

Last time i found myself in deserted place
but I wasn't alone

It's hunting me down
i sit in giggle
perspiring in dread
I keep running, keep scuttles out
Though, this loner desert rose kept appearing.

I re-spite in exhausted and eventually
fell in lucid dream
I was in asylum filled with ornament vases of diverse kind of flower
I watch it grow old in melancholic lullaby
I was---happy.

but it's not for long

I'm awake and
ready to run again.

UNTITLED

          Like I said, I don't need you.

Letter To God

Hit me. Hit me. Hit me.

Or should I do it by myself?

In every lonely night, the pain crawling

leaving the scar behind

and it never recover.

Was it me? 

Or it meant to be? Or was it a karma?

Or it was you, cold blooded?

Was it me? (Was it me?? Was it me??!)

Or it was you, God? 

You set me up for this or I did this to myself?

Either way, i surrender to your will.

But I'm begging 

I seek for your merciful. 

Bless me, my soul left in hurt. 

SWEET LUNATIC CREATURE

I watched a man passed through me

His appearance, hair and teeth

What happened to him?

Where on earth this man come from

So....strange. 

He stopped and turned around and saw me 

Standing all alone

He came closer
My eyes are fixed on him 

Watching every move

I was afraid and stepped behind

Gave me a big smile and offered me a flower
I wondered what should i do

Should I take it or run away

My driver arrived and shhoo him away 

He ran like a mad man.  

I remembered now.

He was the first man who ever give flower to me

Yes, i know. He's a sweet lunatic creature. 

Though of a Day

Cloths is my medicine
Soft music is my breakfast


I stopped.


This very favorite shoes of mine hurting me now
I throw it off my feet


Just like i throw you off me or vice versa


Waiting in hope that there will be someone watching and wonder
'Is she okay?'
Sigh was the answer


I keep walking

Waiting in hope for a car to stop and offer me for lift
A dog was very close
I forgot all the hope i hold on


I keep walking on my bare foot
Sun was striking my head

How sad
How tragic this life can be
What you can see is not what i want you to see
but THIS
I'm burning inside

Perhaps all I need was attention
Not a creeper but it doesn't matter now.


It's too late

I'm home

Enslaved Love

I have nothing for you to offer

Not even this love

Save me
Save me and
keep me in your cage of caress
Surrounded by heaven of beauty
Just like waterfall surrender to beloved earth  

Seal me
With bond that will never keep us apart
and says our oath for nothing will torn us apart
except death

Just like Romeo and Juliet.
A fool tale of two lovebird.
Desperate for love

So be it.